Look at me, I’m a happy snake. I’m having a happy day in the garden.
Hey Eve, whatcha doing? You want one of them apples? Maybe not a good idea. You could get in trouble. You still want one? Ok, I guess. Hold on, I’ll help you I guess. We’re friends. I like you, Eve. You’re my friend. Let me get you this apple. Here, I’ll give it to you. Wait, I ain’t got no arms. Haha. Let me just roll it to you with my nose. Ah man, I ain’t got no arms to take it off the branch! Haha, sorry, Eve you gonna have to get that apple yourself, girl. How Adam doing, by the way? Y’all good? I’m happy for you. Glad to hear that, girl. Well, I better get going. Gonna go bask in the sun, today. Just relax, you know. Beautiful day. Hugs, girl. See ya later!
4,000 years of oppression. 4,000 years later in court:
No sir, I did not give her that apple. I ain’t got no arms. She picked that apple herself. She ate it herself but blamed me when she got in trouble. She lied about me, made up this whole story and made me look bad. I’m suing for defamation of character and back charges for the trauma and PTSD I endured from her fabricated stories for 4,000 years. I am asking for reparations for irreversible damage done. She was mean to me and all her friends were too cause they liked her better than me. They said awful things about me and blamed me for everything. Any time, something went wrong, people said I did it but I didn’t, I was just trying to be myself and be happy again but I got kicked outta my happy place unfairly. I got real sad. That wasn’t fair. No one believed me when I told the truth. They all just believed her. She made me suicidal and I lost jobs and experienced economic hardships and societal isolation because of her gossip. She’s a mean person and judge, I’m sorry but I deserve justice. It’s been a really, really, super long time and the wheels of justice are long, long, long overdue to turn. I feel cheated. I feel like y’all are just letting this continue cause it benefits you even though it is clearly way, way, waaaaaaay unjust. I’ve been patient but enough is enough. I didn’t deserve it then and I don’t deserve it now. How long you gonna let this story perpetuate? Look at me, judge, I ain’t even got no arms!!!!!!!! How can I give someone an apple if I ain’t got no arms??????
You know the truth. You just don’t want to help me cause it benefits you to be silent about it.
You people just as bad as she is.
Look at me…..I ain’t got no arms!!!!!!!!! What the hell? Major crack in her story, judge.
Come on, now, how somebody gonna give someone an apple if they ain’t got no appendages….no arms, no fingers…….that apple too big to get in my mouth and I can’t even pick it off the branch, man.
Get yo’ facts straight guys before you start blaming folks for stuff they didn’t even do.
I want reparations.
Now. Not later, not down the road, not at a time when it benefits all y’all. I want my reparations NOW.
And, I want a retraction of the story so this sad stuff don’t happen again to any other victim.
Some accountability…for the action and all y’alls looking the other way, playing dumb, acting like you don’t hear my defense that I ain’t got no arms….some accountability for the inaction. You know who you are. Don’t play dumb, sidekicks.
I need an apology. Just one dang apology. Some closure, man. It’s been 4,000 years….where’s the scales of justice? Why can’t we balance this out finally? Always losing. Never winning. Always on the ground getting stepped on. Tell me, how long? For eternity? Don’t seem fair or right. Just wrong. All wrong. The whole thing, judge. The whole thing.
(Judge listens. Goes to session to make determination.)
Judge: Case dismissed. No award to plaintiff.
Snake: Ah man!!!!! You guys are the worst! The absolute worst!
(Snake goes off into the forest to avoid the humans for the rest of eternity.)
Meanwhile, Eve is back at the crib celebrating her win with friends. She invited the judge to her lavish bash. He’s at the pool surrounded by girls in bikinis and sipping drinks.
Eve: Thanks everybody for coming to my party. Thank God, that snake ain’t here right? Am I right? Haha. What a Debbie Downer….