Rejection is Just Redirection

Have you ever experienced an online troll?  What about a “hater” or even a “group of haters”? 

(By the way, this is a great song about the whole “haters gon’ hate” vibe.  To go off on a short tangent, I really love this song.)

What about someone in your environment who, no matter how hard you try, you just can’t get them to treat you right?  Or maybe just someone or something that leaves you drained?    

Here’s some simple tips:

  1.  Take time out for you and practice self-care/self-love. 
  2. Be wise to the negative behaviors of others but hold yourself to a higher standard and do not stoop to that level. 

“I am sending you out as sheep among wolves, so be as wise as serpents and innocent as doves.”  Matthew 10:16.

  • “Do not cast your pearls before swine.”  Matthew 7:6.  This is not to say that other people are necessarily bad.  Perhaps they are not at a point in their lives that they are willing and able to receive you with love and respect.  If this is so, do not waste your energy and time trying to prove your worth to them.  Life is short and precious, it should not be wasted continually trying to be perfect for someone else’s expectations of you.  Make your own expectations.  Meet your own goals.  Dress the way you want.  Think the way you want.   You are not unworthy.  You are enough.  They just fail to see the treasure that you are, even if you may appear to be a diamond in the rough.  Remember, in this life, we do not know who God treasures either.  Some people would be the least you would expect.  Treat people fairly and stand up for yourself when you feel in your heart that you are not being treated fairly by others. 
  • Let go of bitterness and get your spirit back.  Bounce back from hardship like you’re Walter Payton.  This is extremely hard.  First, learn to take the L.  Second, learn to forgive.  Third, vow to not let the pattern repeat itself.  Respect yourself enough not to allow it to happen again.  Fourth, understand that what others meant for your harm, God may have intended for your good.  This is called providence.  It was providence that made Joseph a powerful influence in Egypt to prevent the famines despite all he went through.  Providence worked in his life and it works in your life too.  It’s just hard to see when you’re in the trenches.   You just got to believe.  Sometimes, though, we pray and pray and pray on something and it still doesn’t happen.  That’s another life lesson right there.  The failure, the rejection, the divorce, the bad grades, the whatever is going on in your life…..it is teaching you to first lean not on your own understanding of things but on a spirituality, and second, it is teaching you to love yourself.  The full and total rejection moment will teach you to find value in you, to regain your self-esteem, self-confidence, self-worth.  Remember as Rocky says in this short motivational speech, “The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows.  It’s a very mean and nasty place and I don’t care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it.  You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life.  But it ain’t about how hard you’re hit.   It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward.”

 Keep moving forward towards your goals.  If you have to, start very small.  Work on your hygiene first.  Work on the way you dress.  Work on your hair, make-up, style, etc.  Go back to the gym or church or wherever you find positive vibes and happiness from meeting goals.  Don’t let others tell you not to do these things.  Do them because you need to do them to improve your self-esteem.   Raise that bar first and then move out from there to your surroundings and your interactions with others.  Begin, at the same time, to strip away that which does not serve you.  Are there behaviors or traits you have taken on that are not good?  Substance abuse problems?  Addictions?  Unhealthy habits?  What about people you interact with that wear you down?  Begin to set boundaries not just with certain people but with things you do throughout the day.  Ask yourself, do I really want to do this thing or is this something I am doing because so-and-so wants me to do it?  Once again, this comes back to self-love and self-respect.  It is not selfish to say no.  It is awareness that you need to raise the bar on your self-esteem/self-worth.  Likewise, choosing to not date certain people or hang out with certain folks that bring you down…..that is not arrogance but self-awareness that you need to protect your energy.  Your energy is vital to your overall health and success.  So start small.  Take the baby steps which can turn in to bigger steps down the road. 

These are the things I am telling myself now.  I too have faced a personal setback and I am re-learning this now.  It is a thing I have to continually re-learn painfully.  You would think I would get it the first time but no, I keep having to re-hash it over and over as I believe a lot of people do.  One thing that really helps me is YouTube.  Here’s some video advice from folks way, way, way smarter than me about how to do it.  The first three videos are about self-love.  The fourth is Maya Angelou reciting, And Still I Rise.  The two other videos are inspirational pastor sermons.  These are my two favorite sermons of all time that I must admit, I have to go back to again and again when “my chips are low” and I feel myself entering that defeated mindset mode.  I highly, highly recommend watching these sermons!  However, they are each long but packed with valuable info.  I hope that you like these videos too (please share with me as well, any videos you think would help me) and remember that whatever I am going through and whatever you are going through, we are in this together and you are enough, you are valuable, you are worthy.  Think like Walter Payton and bounce yourself back up.  Let’s get to it!    

Oil

There are many customs and beliefs of ancient times that are resurfacing due to YouTube. As the spread of home remedies, folk medicine, and alternative medicine is introduced, this can benefit the reader. It is Sunday so I wanted to talk a little bit about herbs and oils to benefit the body.

One oil that can really help people is castor oil. Use castor oil to grow thicker hair on your head, eyebrow, and eye lashes. Castor oil packing on the abdomen can help women with fertility issues and some say castor oil can reverse damage to breasts and uterus and ovaries. Another method of using castor oil is for belly bloat and belly fat. Simply place some drops of castor oil in your belly button before bed. Put a cloth over it and rest overnight. The next morning, you will probably have a bowel movement as the castor oil helps with bloating and constipation but it also expels unwanted elements from the digestive system like mucoid plaque and parasites that rob you of minerals and nutrients. You put it in your belly button because this was the original receptor of minerals and nutrients into your body as a baby and it is closely tied to circulatory and nervouse system. Castor oil can help with skin tone too. It is used in facials and deep cleans pores to smoothen skin, give it a glow, and reduce acne.

If you have brain issues, consider using oils on your third eye area. Remember all the passages of the Bible about anointing the head with oil? Shepherds do this to their sheep, placing oils on their heads to fight off pesky parasitic elements or insects. Use frankincese or myrrh to improve overall body health and beauty.

Another thing to consider is something called the sattvic diet in Ayurvedic. Food is medicine to the body so be careful what you intake. You want to eat Sattvic foods like raw fruits and vegetables and avoid low vibrational foods like mushroom fungi (decomposers and death eaters) or meat that has been adrenalized due to the suffering of an animal.

Replace sugar cravings with locally grown honey which hinders allergies to local pollen and is antimicrobial with lots of nutrients. Also consider incorporating the following foods in your daily diet: berries, apples, bananas, pineapples, pomegranates, and medjool dates, walnuts, almonds, and green veggies especially broccoli, kale, beets, watercress, etc. Be sure to eat foods that help your kidney and liver function for optimum energy and watch out for foods that will make you what doctors call insulin resistant. You want to be what’s called insulin sensitive. One herb that can really help you if you are prediabetic or diabetic is Rosemary. Incorporate this herb into your daily food to help lower onsulin and cortisol levels in the body. If you have thyroid issues, look into seaweed chips or seaweed flakes to add to dinner meals for iodine. If you have kidney concerns, look into something called an adrenal cocktail on YouTube.

Humans are just the same as plants. We need the sun to produce vitamin D in our bodies. Vitamin D deficiency is correlated to cancers, diabetes, Covid mortality, etc. You need sunshine to thrive and fresh air is better than HVAC systems because it naturally purifies the air of microbials that cause odors and illness. So get some walks in outside that don’t bring up your cortisol levels and cause adrenal fatigue like extended cardio. Breathe in the fresh air and let the sunshine absorb through your cells so they can generate just like a plant makes chlorophyll. If you find some dandelions along the path, pick the leaves to make a nutrient rich salad that can help lower acidity in the body.

Watch this to learn all the benefits of dandelions to protect against diabetes. high cholesterol, cancer, and ovarian cysts or PCOS. https://youtu.be/kTrvMN3yXtc

Another important item to look for on your walk is red clover which in Amish medecine prevents cancer. The use of apple cidar vinegar actually comes from the Amish. They are way smarter people than modern society gives them credit for. Even hedge balls are supposed to be good for the body if chopped up. Gather a few and throw them under your house to keep spiders, snakes, and other insects away.

When you go to bed at night, drink a mug of warm milk mixed with honey, cinnamon, and ashwagandha powder. Get plenty of sleep. Drink lemon water and green tea during the day.

Avoid harsh chemicals when cleaning house. Consider the use of white vinegar to clean things and other healthier alternatives. And consider having your water tested to see how healthy it is for you. Your residence and resources can really determine your overall health so before you move somewhere look into the public health data. For example, I used to work in a town with an old ammunition plant nearby and fertilizer company. Rates of cancer were much higher there and often times we would have a ban on water consumption. Look into this data and the water data as well as lead or phosphorus levels. Study if the water source is surface or ground.

All of these tips are beneficial.

Chris Rock, Will Smith and the Conflict Resolution Procedure

Being an HR Manager for close to 10 years, you see a lot of drama and conflict in the workplace. You see all sorts of behaviors. Sometimes, someone will get real mad about a situation, often times justifiably from their perspective. They will come to my office looking for me to resolve their problem. Sometimes, it will be a situation in which one person feels unfairly treated by the other or even bullied.

The first thing we are taught is to listen, assess the situation for any major escalation, and then calmly ask the person, “Have you addressed this directly with the other person?” “Have you confronted the problem together and have you explained how it made you feel?”

Often times, they will say no. Then we calmly say, “The first step you must take is to go talk to that person directly. If this does not resolve the behavior and it continues, then come back to me for the second step.” Then you send the person back…unless there is real danger or threat to safety.

9 times out of 10, this approach is most effective in treating the issue. It also helps the person to build their own courage and stand up for themselves which is critical to their self-confidence and also their reputation and dignity in the workplace.

Sometimes, this still doesn’t work. They come back to the office for step two which involves a supervisor or manager mediating a discussion again between the two and advising them of how to act professionally in the workplace. This also is very effective usually.

However, sometimes you have quite a problem in the workplace and the third step involves either progressive documented discipline or even legal involvement. Sometimes, even a person must risk social or job loss or financial loss in order to eventually come to the table for honest dialogue. Most times, if it does involve legal assistance, it can be handled out of the courts and not escalated even further. Often times, the HR manager might want to consider offering a suggestion of private counseling to both parties. One party may feel some trauma from feeling the victim of some mistreatment in the workplace, whereas often times, the other party may experience trauma too from the subsequent anxiety of potentially facing negative workplace reaction or legal repercussions down the road. Either way, both parties are stressed out and could use some confidential private help to address their concerns. Don’t advocate for medical help but rather behavioral psychological help.

That’s how you handle it in the workplace. What about on a larger scale such as the situation that Will Smith and Chris Rock faced? The most effective conflict resolution would be the same.

  1. Address the situation head on.
  2. If an open dialogue does not occur, then suggest an advisor mediate.
  3. If this still does not resolve issues, then consider discipline or legal assistance.
  4. Once this occurs, still keep the offer on the table for both parties to come together to resolve this amicably.
  5. Listen openly and objectively to the concerns of both sides.
  6. Offer them both the opportunity to seek private guidance on how to handle the stress or any subsequent trauma. Unresolved trauma can lead to bad longer term impacts.
  7. Try to minimize the interference of outside parties offering judgment or using the situation for their own gain down the road (such as media replaying the video over and over again or getting the opinions of a diverse group of onlookers). Just like a cop at a car crash, keep the people moving around the scene and keep things peaceful.
  8. Consider the use of legal assistance to open a dialogue or as a form of future deterrence for outside parties but never use legal assistance for gross personal financial gain at the expense of the other which is a form of retribution. Personal financial gain is acceptable perhaps for defamation but gross personal financial gain can be detrimental to the future of that relationship if either party wants to continue association.
  9. If violence does occur, then it is the company’s responsibility to deter future occurrences for the safety of all by releasing a statement of what behavior is and is not permitted.

The Transition

A little boy found a caterpillar. He picked it up gently, marveled at it. He put it gently in a bush.

Everyday the little boy would return to the little green bush to visit the caterpillar.

Then, one day, he saw that the caterpillar was changing.

It had built a chrysalis.

The little boy continued to watch over the chrysalis. He protected it from harm.

One day, he found the chrysalis had broken and then he found the beautiful, brilliant butterfly waiting nearby. He looked at the butterfly and it gently fluttered once, twice, and then spread its wings to fly away.

A nurse took care of patients.

Everyday, he would come to visit the elderly woman. He would care for the woman, feed her, bathe her, provide for her needs.

He came back day after day to watch over and protect the little old woman.

Until one day, he came to her room to find she was not well. He still nursed her and looked after her.

She moved less and stayed to her bed. He watched her carefully and attended to her needs.

Then, one day he saw that she had passed. He sat by her bed quietly and attended to her one last time.

But like the brilliant, beautiful butterfly, she now spread her angel wings to fly gently away.

He Walked Alone

16 long years.  Almost as long as Joseph.  A Via Dolorosa walk of shame.  Mental torture. Prison bars. Lonely cell. Alone.

He prayed a lot.

Didn’t stop the bullies, didn’t stop the violence perpetrated on his soul. 

16 years.  He wrote in prison.  Wrote alot.  Read alot.  When he wasn’t watching out for them.  On the constant up and up.  Watching everything, everyone, observing it all.  He watched stabbings and betrayals.  He watched yard fights and kingpins fall.  He took it all in.

He didn’t join the gang.  Walked the yard alone.  16 long years.

They opened the doors to the prison and finally let him out.  A new gang member had tried to shiv him 2 weeks before for initiation rites.

He didn’t really know what to do at that point.  Didn’t trust no one, not a single god-damned soul.  Didn’t know what the lesson was in all this.  It wasn’t about correction or deterrence.  It was brutal. 

He didn’t feel it taught him to be a better man….just a smarter one. 

Joseph was supposed to get his come uppance.  But him, he never got it.  What was the point of all of this? 

He walked down the street alone away from the toxicity and he vaguely felt that he was merely going outta the frying pan and into the fire.

Thanks!

Great news! My dog Sushi is now doing well in the group phase of voting for Dogster Magazine: America’s Favorite Pet contest. Super happy and thank you so much if you placed a vote in the contest! He is currently holding 1st place!

Here’s the link to see all the cute and cuddly dogs in his group!

https://americasfavpet.com/browse/2022/dog-group-c8961b26

Here’s my Vocal Media page where I wrote about my dog. The story is titled “My guardian, my best friend.”

https://vocal.media/authors/janea-speer

Thanks again!

Dogster Competition: America’s Favorite Pet!

I entered my doggo in Dogster’s online competition for America’s favorite pets!

Little did I expect him to do as well as he has so far! He is 23rd in his category. But I do gotta admit he’s loveable ❤️

If he reaches one of the top 15, he’ll be featured by the site. Come check out his profile at the following link and look at all the cuddly doggo photos submitted around America. Cast your vote for your favorites. It’s fun!

Here is the link:

https://americasfavpet.com/2022/sushi-97bd

Phenomenal

I read that Maya Angelou will appear on the U.S. quarter. That’s pretty cool. This is my favorite poem by her. I think I read it first in my 20s. It is called Phenomenal Woman and talks about an alluring woman verses a physically beautiful woman. Here is the full poem at the Poetry Foundation. A good and introspective read for young women:

https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/48985/phenomenal-woman

Another great one is the poem And Still I Rise. It has a universal quality, referencing the human condition and tenacity of spirit.

https://poets.org/poem/still-i-rise?gclid=Cj0KCQiA8vSOBhCkARIsAGdp6RQLUwmra2CFqmqFVp-VWGU8HX03J8QeF3VrissVOVTsr3pX1M-CdCQaAqo3EALw_wcB

Choose Faith or Choose Fear

It’s a cold, cold night. The winter storm is coming. Tomorrow is supposed to be -35 degrees. I am warm inside the house. I let my dogs out for 5 minutes and then bring them back inside. They whimper because the ice is frigid. It hurts their paws.

The storm is coming.

I could worry about everything. Will my car start? Will I make it through the snow and ice? What about the storms at work? What if someone else gets Covid? What will we do? What about this? What about that?

What if…What if…What if…

2022 is not starting out well. We are stuck in a bad, bad approaching storm. Think about the economy, think about Covid, think about the supply chain shortages, think about this, think about that…..think about all the bad stuff on the news…….get all filled up with anxiety and fear. Get all angry and frustrated and all worked up.

Or…..

choose to stay calm. Choose faith. Not the crazy blinding stupid faith that totally ignores the potential dangers. No the kind of faith that informs the serenity prayer.

Lord, help us to accept the things we cannot change and give us the courage to know the difference between what we can and what we cannot do.

I went to Galilee when I was 21. It was a study abroad for a summer. We took a rickety old metal bus up to the Golan Heights for the day and then on the way back, we stopped at an outside cafe. We got the wild notion to swim in the Sea with our clothes on. I still remember the joy of that moment swimming in the Sea with friends.

It really wasn’t that big, the Sea of Galilee. You could see the other side….much like a big Missouri lake. I wondered then what the disciples were so afraid of when the storms tossed their boat around and the waves threatened to come over the sides. Why did they panic? Jesus was asleep in the boat and they came to him and asked him to save them. Now, I realize that they probably didn’t know how to swim. That would be scary for sure.

Anyway, he got up and told them to have faith and then he calmed the waters to ease their minds.

We’re all kinda stuck in a Galilee boat and we don’t know what to do and we’re worried that this dang disease is gonna drown us. But remember what JFK said, “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.”

Fear causes anxiety and procrastination and arguing and in-fighting and endless stupid drama which only serves to compound our problems. It causes the blame game and finger pointing. People stop fixing things and looking for solutions. Instead, they just throw shade and throw each other under the bus in an attempt to save their own hide. Every man for himself like we’re on the Titanic and there’s only one lifeboat left.

Admit it. You’ve done this. I’ve done it too. But this time…

Relax. Stay calm. Stay the course.

We’ll get out of this.

The man who wrote the song Amazing Grace was once in a storm too off the coast of England. He tied himself to the boat and he asked for mercy. He came through the storm and gave up his profession of slave trading. He went on to become a prolific preacher and hymn writer and we still sing his songs to this day.

It’s getting colder and colder outside. I could sit here and worry myself to death about the endless possibilities of what could go wrong. Or I could sit here and write something encouraging.

I choose to write.

The Opportunity to Help Heroes

I just work HR. It’s not very glamorous. All day long I help the company process paperwork. Today, I did 3 leave forms, payroll, helped with tuition reimbursement for 2 nurses, put in schedules for traveler nurses, and filled out lots of forms for helping medical staff with work comp in case of Covid quarantining. I help to ensure they get paid and get their benefits to support their families. Sometimes I screw up. But sometimes I am glad I am there to help.

All across America and the world, the medical staff are getting hit hard by the pandemic. It is not just the disease. It is the long hours, the double shifts, the struggles between work and family. It’s working extra to make sure the patients are okay. It’s holding hands. It’s not just meeting medical needs but psychological needs and basic needs like feeding and hygiene for the people they care for. It is wearisome to say the least.

I see it everyday. I see the exhaustion. I see the burnout and frustration. But I also see how hard they are working. I see how much extra they do with no thanks. I see the risks they take every day. I see them gowning up and getting N95 masks on that are really uncomfortable to wear. I see them working together to keep patients safe and bringing food trays to rooms and locking down facilities and screening visitors endlessly to try to keep the covid out. I see them getting through the winter snow to work. I see them playing music for the patients to cheer them up or doing all sorts of activities to keep the patients happy.

It’s not the big things. It’s the little things. It’s the little choices they make every day that make the medical personnel and medical admin heroes. It is getting up in the dark in the morning and getting scrubs on even though you want to call in. It’s showing up and clocking in and going through all the testing requirements from upper management. It’s showing care and compassion when they could easily turn a blind eye because they are overwhelmed. It’s a thousand little decisions made over and over day after day after day after endless day to stick it out for better or in this case, worse and worse and far worse.

It is an endless battle with an invisible enemy that keeps morphing over and over again and again. It would be easy to give up hope….and so many have. But I see in my own workplace, folks that just keep going and keep hoping and keep scheduling and keep administering and keep nursing and keep feeding patients and keep watching over them at night.

In Batman, the Dawn of Justice, there is a scene when Batman runs towards trouble while everyone around him is fleeing. You can watch it here if you want. I think medical people are like that but on a grander scale, a longer time scale. There is no fantastic explosion. Instead, it is decision after decision after decision to treat and maintain and prevent.

The choice to be a medical hero is not that simple. Watching it from the sidelines, it’s way harder than I had any idea of.

It’s countless endless decisions to not give up even through Delta, even through Omicron, even through this new Florina. It’s the internal decision to soldier on. It’s the decision to stay positive amidst adversity, as one of my colleagues said to simply, “Take one day at a time.” He said the key is to not look at the big picture but just focus on the day, getting through the day. That is the best advice I’ve gotten since working this job.

I’m honored to help them. I know I make mistakes sometimes with the paperwork and sometimes the procedures and processes can frustrate or seeing the medical staff burdened can make you feel god awful. But overall, I am glad I took this job.

I work with heroes. Real heroes. Not the kind that wear spandex and capes. And that’s not just rhetoric. It’s true. These are the real kind. I wonder what stories we will tell of them many years from now if we all make it through this pandemic.

Tonight, if you just google hospitals, you will read countless articles about the hospitals and other nursing facilities under siege. My own cousin came down with Covid in Kansas. All the hospitals were full up and they were considering life-flighting him all the way to New Mexico to a hospital there. That is how bad it is for the medical facilities right now.

If there was any time the medical staff in America could use your thoughts and prayers, it’s now.

Heroes run towards trouble even when others run the opposite direction. It’s a gut decision, a split second decision. They just do it. That’s how you know someone is a hero.

As they say in the St. Jude’s hospital commercial, “Hope is when you never give up.”

Remember, the stars shine brightest only on the darkest of nights.